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I have been trying to wrap my brain around something that was said to me by someone I love.. Have you ever had one of those moments where something just clicked.... a light went off.. you "got it".... This morning was one of those moments for me and I can finally let go of trying to "understand" what was said....


THE PAST IS THE PAST... You can not relive it.... it is what it was... enjoy the memories, embrase the good and learn from the bad.

THE CURRENT...Is exactly that.. live in it... it is what it is... love what you have and where you are... wake up each day as if it was your last.

THE FUTURE... Is not here... it is what may never be.... it is a time that may never come.

Live for today... stop living in the past and do not put off the future...

Stop wishing it to be like it was... Make today be it is what it is.... and be grateful for the time you have...

before it is to late.

me

Sunday morning..... not just another day

Waking up Sunday morning, Valentine's day....
My two special Valentine's far away....
Enjoying time together at a swim meet...
Mother and daughter time, a nice Valentine treat...

Me and the boys are home for the day...
Watching the Olympics and the cat and dog play...
Wondering what we will eat...
For our Valentine treat...

Swim strong, swim fast...
And then at last...
You will be back with the one's that you miss...
Waiting to give you a Valentine's kiss...

Wishing Gini and Hannah a Happy Valentine's Day...
We love you both from far, far away...

Bill, Connor and Garrin... xo

Moving forward

Moving forward...... I have lived my life "one day at a time" for so long I feel like I have lost site of why.... I have become numb to the expression and lost site of why I need to live this way.... I need to take that first step again after hitting a bottom, a very different bottom this time but one that was just as destructive to myself and those around me... My bottom.. such a funny expression!! From this day forward I again, live my life "one day at a time", heal myself and help those I hurt while I was on my destructive path.. I can only hope those I hurt can forgive and take that step with me. I have again found that place in me that knows how to love, smile and enjoy what my life has to offer... The Bill that went missing is back....

My goal for this blog and the reason I want to blog..... is to help me keep it real, in print for all to see... I want to be held accountable to myself. I am my own best enabler... Please follow along if you would like, see the dark side of addiction, hate and self destruction.. and see the bright side of love, life and laugh.. this is the side I cling to and look forward to living in forever at all costs....

XO - me

Another day.....

I think I will start living my life.... today.

Stay tuned.

Life.....

Life in a Jar:

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks right to the top, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full?

They agreed it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. The students laughed. He asked his students again if the jar was full? They agreed yes, it was.

The professor then picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. "Is it full now?", he asked again. "Yes" was the answer.

He poured coffee from his cup into the jar.

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this is your life".

“The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children — anything that is so important to you that if it were lost, you would be nearly destroyed."

“The pebbles are the other things in life that matter, but on a smaller scale. The pebbles represent things like your job, your house, your car."

“The sand & coffee is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand, pebbles or the coffee into the jar first, there is no room for the rocks. The same goes for your life."

"If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff, material things, you will never have room for the things that are truly most important. Pay attention to the things that are critical in your life. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just pebbles and sand.”

Take care of what is truly important.....

Happy Valentines Day!!

To my gorgeous wife....

I have struggled with what to start my blog with.. the very first post, I have so much to say to so many people.. Do I start with me, making it all about me.. addictions, obsessive compulsive disorders the real truth about Bill, my life.. what makes Bill.. Bill. I keep mulling in my head exactly what to say and how to say it and I have decided to save this post for my second post.

This post is for my wife, Gini.. a woman I married so many years ago. Married at a time when I thought I could not love someone as much as I loved her.. You brought me the true meaning of me. You saw what others did not, you let me be me and excepted me for who I was. You said to me years ago, during one of my I really do not give a shit about anything days.. just another day in the life of bill.. plain and simple.. I always loved you for saying that to me... I heard so many lines like this during my recover and self discovery.. one day at a time, denial is not a river in Egypt, I'm a friend of bill.. bumper stickers and key chains that tell the world you have issues, worn like a badge of honor.. Yours hit home, just another day in the life of Bill...

A day filled with you... my wife.

On this day, Valentines.. I start my blog... with a picture I walk by every day and see US. The beginning of our married life. A life I will share on this blog, Another day in the life of Bill. I love you, Gini. Happy Valentines Day... Love, love, love.......

Me